Happiness, something I thought I'd achieve this year.
It was the first year of college, a fresh start for me. It was my chance as it is everyone else's. I made it a goal for me to smile more often, to LOOK approachable, to BE approachable and better yet, to be friendly. I thought I was doing a pretty good job until I've realized people still didn't talk to me. Some even admitted to thinking I was mean. So I made the best of it. I followed my gut and talked to the Chinita girl next to me. And I asked her to lunch and I got to know her. It was an ACHIEVEMENT to me. I talked to somebody and possible made a friend on that day. Until another one asked my friend to have lunch with so I had to tag along.
It's funny because I thought I could change for the better this time but I didn't.
Though I did make a new friend on the first day and hung out with more in the next, I wasn't happy.
Back in High School I was very different from how I am now; the reason why I wanted to change. I was talked about as a "bitch". People thought that because I was being ME. I was quiet, prim and proper & cautious of my actions. Though I still had the mouth of a sailor, I would only curse or two when things did not go my way. I sat like a lady, talked like one and kept my eyes straight. I was happy with myself but people judged me. People didn't talk to me because of WHO I AM.
I changed so much of myself because people didn't think I was approachable. People in the higher year would spread rumours about me. They said I wasn't a virgin because of MY WALK. Can you believe that? Your purity shows in the way you walk. People literally JUDGED me without knowing me. It wrecked my mind. So I changed myself all for the approval of those who still won't give a damn about me at the end of the day. I was dumb. At my last year of stay in my school I decided to hang with my former best friends. They were very different from me but I accepted them. I wanted to learn "their ways" because to me, although someone like me would normally stick to people I have common ground with except for one. She was the one I've opened up to and she'd understand me.
Because of her, I learned not to care anymore. Looking back, she was and still continues to be a role model to me. Even though we don't talk as much as we used to.
Now, I just go with the flow. Because people will always judge, people will always open their mouths about you and people make you believe in things they aren't. Now, I'm free, in a way. I sit the way I want to sit, dress the way I want to dress, talk the way I want to talk. I've changed. I didn't revert back to the old me but they way I want to be.
People will always be watching so why not give them a show?
As long as you are real to yourself, real to those who are around you, DON'T CHANGE. I know I never will, again.
Because of her, I learned not to care anymore. Looking back, she was and still continues to be a role model to me. Even though we don't talk as much as we used to.
Now, I just go with the flow. Because people will always judge, people will always open their mouths about you and people make you believe in things they aren't. Now, I'm free, in a way. I sit the way I want to sit, dress the way I want to dress, talk the way I want to talk. I've changed. I didn't revert back to the old me but they way I want to be.
People will always be watching so why not give them a show?
As long as you are real to yourself, real to those who are around you, DON'T CHANGE. I know I never will, again.
